Before the perfect mate will miraculously show up right before your eyes, there’s a little bit of soul searching that needs to be done. Without being aware of who you are, how will you know what the perfect mate for you will consist of?
I’ve had my fair share of dating. The moments I confused lust for love or changed my life to be in his. Through each relationship I learned more about myself, till I was ready to finally meet ‘the one,’ and know he was the one. The heart and mind can deceive us when it comes to love because feelings alone are so complex. It really is about timing, so hurry along that timeline by asking yourself these questions below and checking off each one until you’re ready to meet the right guy. Before you know it, he will be ready for you too.
There are many things that haunt us as single ladies. Our past experiences that lead us to insecurities and fears can hurt us from seeing what we need in a man or relationship. We then continue in a vicious cycle or destructive pattern. Let’s take a look at the many things that keep us from meeting or being ready for the right guy.
Insecurities that can keep us from being comfortable or confident:
- Physical Appearance
- Personality Traits
- Past experiences
* When do you feel the most confident? Time of day, type of outfit, with what kind of company? Take note of this and keep the company that makes you feel the best while growing your confidence.
* What are the favorite aspects of your personality and what makes you unique? Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to change about that? It’s important to know what you like and dislike about yourself. Live what you love most and someone will see that uniqueness or love shine through to grab their attention.
* What kind of quirks do you have? Do you feel comfortable embracing those quirks or feel reserved with them? When one is comfortable with him or her self they automatically give off an alluring vibe that attracts. Use your quirks to your benefit and love everything about them.
*Are you currently in any type of circumstance you feel ashamed or embarrassed about? Shame will be the enemy when it comes to being open and honest with a new suitor. Feel comfortable in your situation and open to talk about it.
* What kind of fears do you have about dating or meeting someone new? These fears will keep you from being open or from trusting someone new. Reflect on why you have these fears and begin to work towards getting past them.
* What went wrong in past relationships? Are you in the same pattern? Before we know it, we are in the same dating patterns as before, either with the same kind of guy or same situation. Try something new and go out with someone unexpected to see if you can beat this consistent pattern.
* What has your past relationship experience taught you about yourself? Any lessons learned? Learn from past relationships rather than staying hurt or bitter. See what went wrong and if it’s something that left you heartbroken; forgiveness will be the key to finding someone new.
* Should I be the first to text and call or do I let him make the first move? Am I seeking or do I let the man pursue me? Men want to pursue and are wired to. The right guy will be one that seeks after you and not vice versa. Also the more you let a man pursue the more interested he becomes to learn more.
* Are you in a healthy state of mind and place to date? It’s important to be strong in mind and body before putting yourself out there to potential love.
* Are you independent or content with being single? The more you seek a relationship, the more it seems you can’t find it. Get back to yourself and what you love most in life. Once you focus your mind and time on yourself the more you will appreciate a good date and a man is intrigued by a woman with passion or independence, making him want to learn more.
* Are you giving different guys an opportunity? I think we are all guilty of dating a certain type of guy but you may surprise yourself with someone unexpected. Be open minded with dates and let yourself entertain the idea of someone you may not typically go for. You never know what can happen. If nothing else, you may learn something new about yourself.
* Are you going to places that are compatible with meeting new people? Get out and enjoy dinners or meet ups with friends. You never know when that ‘movie night in’ might be the night to meet someone special if you were to go out. If your schedule is too busy then try online dating.
Loving yourself first before pursuing a relationship gives you the confidence and resilience to date with a hopeful mind. This hope is your armor to protect your mind from losing it when he doesn’t call and it makes you more appealing to the right kind of guy.
Written By Desiree Hartsock